Not only can taking your time in the tongue department help you gauge what works with a new kissing partner, but it can increase connection and satisfaction, no matter how many times you’ve locked lips, Ajjan says.
LaVonne, 59, from Massachusetts, says that, for her, less is more when it comes to tongue but for the partner who gets it right, magic ensues. “Firm but tender, sensitive, urgent with passion and just the tiniest hint of tongue. It’s like finding a long-lost sense of yourself that has been dormant,” she tells SELF.
Amanda, 43, from Illinois, gets lost in a tongue kiss with the right person, too. “If the connection is there, it’s like everything around you stops and you are all in,” she tells SELF.
To give yourself the best odds of hitting just the right amount of tongue, Erin suggests following the other person’s lead (as long as it feels good to you). “Note how far they’re putting their tongue in your mouth, and match it,” she says. Then you can experiment with a little more, and see how they respond.
5. Build your way up to sharing more saliva.
Among people who love French kissing, everyone has a different threshold for intensity. Sharing each other’s saliva can feel very intimate for some people, so it’s best to build your way up slowly, and make sure your partner is enjoying it, too.
Melissa is in the less-tongue-is-better camp. “Don’t use too much tongue because that gets wet and gross,” she says. “No one wants to feel like they’re being slobbered on like a dog.”
April, 32, from the British Virgin Islands, is in a similar boat. “I hate sloppy kisses—hate them,” she tells SELF. “I love gentle, full smooches with lips and a slight caress of our tongues.”
But it can be a fine line to walk. Annie, 30, from California, notes that using too much or too little saliva can be less than pleasant. She’s all about that happy medium.
Of course, “slobber,” “sloppy,” and “happy saliva medium” are relative terms when it comes to spit-swapping. One person’s overwhelming slobber can be another’s super-sexy, romantic French kissing session. You won’t know how your kissing partner feels about saliva unless you ask. Even something as simple as, “Is this okay?” or “Do you like that?” may do the trick.
6. Don’t neglect other body parts.
What you do with your hands often dictates how passionate kissing can be, and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
For example, Bailey, 33, from Texas, thinks hand placement is about balance. “I don’t want someone to be too grabby and rough, or too soft and timid,” she tells SELF, noting that she’s turned off by both. Jillian, on the other hand, says more is more. “Running his hand down my back? Holding the back of my head? Even a nice butt grab? All about it. Hands are half of kissing.”
To ensure you get the action you’re looking for, don’t be shy about asking for what you want, Ajjan says. (Remember: It’s always good to ask if you’re even remotely unsure about how your partner feels about what you’re doing or want to do—whether it’s touching their body or anything else.)
How to Feel Hopeful, Even When It’s Really, Really Hard
And for those with mental illnesses, such as depression or anxiety, cultivating hope and resilience can be key to managing their symptoms, Dr. Tedeschi says. In depression, for instance, a persistent feeling of hopelessness is often a defining symptom. In the case of anxiety, fear is one of the driving factors. “In both cases, they’re drawing the conclusion that things are out of their control and things aren’t going to work,” Dr. Tedeschi says. Figuring out a way to become more hopeful, even—or especially—when life is difficult, is usually a necessary component of treatment.
Being hopeful can help you build resilience.
Putting in the work to be hopeful has other psychological benefits too. In particular, hope helps build resilience, which “is the ability to either recover quickly from events that are challenging, or traumatic, or a crisis or to be relatively unaffected by these events,” Dr. Tedeschi explains.
But resilience isn’t just being able to withstand a difficult situation. “It has to do with living a fuller life,” Lillian Comas-Diaz, PhD, a psychologist specializing in trauma recovery and multicultural issues, tells SELF. “Resilience is a way of coping with adversity and being able to get some knowledge from that adversity,” which might help you improve your coping mechanisms for the future.
From there, it’s easy to see how hope, optimism, and a generally more positive outlook might develop with resilience. It works like a feedback loop, Dr. Tedeschi says: “If you have success in managing these situations, you become more optimistic about how you’re going to do in the future,” he explains. And as you develop some optimism and hope, that might help you persist and manage in the face of the difficulties we all inevitably face.
How to be hopeful when things feel hopeless
Here are a few tips from our experts:
If it’s really hard to feel hopeful right now, start by just acknowledging that.
Some people are just naturally optimistic, even in a situation like this. But, generally, resilience is something that’s learned—first through our experiences in childhood, potentially, and then later as we go through the inevitable challenges of life, Dr. Tedeschi says. So for those of us who maybe feel a little silly trying to look for a silver lining in, you know, these Unprecedented Times, trying to be hopeful just doesn’t feel genuine. And if it’s not authentic, it isn’t very helpful.
If you’re someone who finds it difficult or even feels silly trying to be optimistic right now, know that hope doesn’t necessarily mean thinking that everything will always be amazing. Being hopeful doesn’t have to be about looking for the bright side or deluding ourselves into thinking everything will be just fine, Dr. Comas-Diaz says. Hope is really just a (realistic) expectation that something good will happen—and that you have some control over it.
For some people, it might be difficult to be hopeful because they don’t have a source of hope they can immediately point to, Dr. Comas-Diaz says. In those cases, she will ask her patients to do an inventory, asking what sources of hope their friends, family, or larger culture draw upon and if the patient can “borrow” from that source as well. Think about, say, your mom or a close friend—what brings them hope? Can you share that with them or get some hope vicariously through them? Or is there a particular cause you’re really passionate about that you can draw some sense of optimism from?
Gelato recalled in Ontario after testing find norovirus contamination of raspberries
Angelo’s Italian Market Inc. is recalling Gelato Artigianale al gusto di Raspberry Gelatois from the marketplace because of possible norovirus contamination of the raspberries used in this product.
This recall was triggered by Canadian Food Inspection Agency test results.
The recalled product has been sold at Angelo’s Italian Market Inc. in London, Ontario.
|None||Gelato Artigianale al gusto di Raspberry Gelato||1 L||0 000000 067430||None – Sold at Angelo’s Italian Market Inc., 755 Wonderland Road North, London, ON up to and including June 14, 2022|
As of the posting of this recall, there have been no reported illnesses associated with the consumption of this product.
Recalled products should be thrown out or returned to the location where they were purchased
About norovirus infections
People with norovirus illness usually develop symptoms of gastroenteritis within 24 to 48 hours, but symptoms can start as early as 12 hours after exposure. The virus can live on surfaces for long periods of time and survives freezing temperatures. It is highly contagious.
The illness often begins suddenly. Even after having the illness, you can still become reinfected by norovirus. The main symptoms of norovirus illness are diarrhea, vomiting (children usually experience more vomiting than adults), nausea, and stomach cramps.
Other symptoms may include low-grade fever, headache, chills, muscle aches, and fatigue (a general sense of tiredness). Most people feel better within one or two days, with symptoms resolving on their own, and experience no long-term health effects.
As with any illness-causing diarrhea or vomiting, people who are ill should drink plenty of liquids to replace lost body fluids and prevent dehydration. In severe cases, patients may need to be hospitalized and given fluids intravenously.
(To sign up for a free subscription to Food Safety News, click here.)
10 Luxe Mattresses You Can Get Right on Amazon
It should come as no surprise that Amazon, retail behemoth that it is, has a fantastic range of bedding available—in fact, some of the best mattresses on Amazon come from high-quality brands like Casper, Nectar, and Tuft & Needle. In other words, while you’re perusing early Amazon Prime Day deals on vacuums, furniture, outdoor gear, and wellness products, you can pick up a new mattress for yourself too—how’s that for one-stop shopping? Before you get to scrolling, here’s a quick rundown on what mattress type might suit your sleeping style and give you the best sleep you can get.
Mattresses for Side Sleepers
You should look for a medium-firm mattress that will prevent pressure points from building around your shoulders, hips, and knees (which can lead to back pain). All-foam or hybrid innerspring mattresses will work for you, as long as they provide contouring and support.
Mattresses for Stomach and Back Sleepers
These might be opposite sleep positions, but stomach sleepers can benefit from the same type of mattress as back sleepers: A firm bed that won’t let your lower back arch out of alignment. Again, a memory foam mattress can fit the bill as well as a hybrid mattress, but bear in mind that foam mattresses tend to be on the softer side (making uncomfortable sinkage a risk).
Overall you want to find a mattress that provides pressure relief and, most of all, nightlong comfort. And Amazon has plenty of options to choose from. From beloved bed-in-a-box mattress brands to best-selling beds at affordable price points, we’ve highlighted our top Amazon mattress picks here.
All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
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